So, we're scheduled to give an update about our trip tomorrow morning in church....and we're all thinking NOW??!! We met together last night to discuss what we'd be presenting, and we agreed that it's so soon to be able to process and even verbalize all that is going through our hearts and minds. How do we share the details when we're still trying to absorb them ourselves?!
I think we came up with a good plan of sharing a few individual thoughts, and we're trusting that the Lord will touch our lips to speak what we feel so inadequate to communicate. I, personally, am struggling to put the right words to the thoughts I want to share...I can't seem to get them down on paper. Can't seem to have a coherent thought much of the time! I decided that part of the reason is that I went back to work too soon...didn't give my head a chance to process and download.
So, I locked the doors and left work early today...didn't even care that it's not the proper thing to do! I stopped at Costco to develop my pictures, and while waiting for them to be processed I walked around. I had the strangest urgency to get out of there...and I can't really figure out why. I tried to explain it to my kids, but all I can think of is that the last time I walked into a store, it was in Ebel-abunga.....and it was SMALL, and DIRTY, and had only NECESSITIES. It was nothing like the mega warehouse I was wandering around in, and it just didn't seem right....it didn't seem right that we should have SO much in such a big space, when they had SO little in such a tiny space. Two weeks ago walking around Costco was normal....I never thought twice about it. I know better than to think that means I need to pack my bags, denounce my citizenship and head East...but it does get me thinking of what I call "normal". Who said the American "normal" is right, and who decides what the norm will be anyway?
I don't know, maybe I'm over-reacting and should just get a grip....or maybe I'm processing more than I thought I was. We are a stuff-loving nation...and we have WAY too much to choose from. And, yet, we don't even know it. We're on visual overload and all we want is more. What I wouldn't do to grab an armload of that "stuff" and shove it into Mr. UPS mans arms and ship it to that little shop owner in the village...he wouldn't know what to do with himself! His customers wouldn't know what to do with it. And, actually, it would never sell because they buy only what they need....there's no extra money for anything else.
We could learn a thing or two from our village friends....they have so much need, and yet they don't even seem to know it. I want to live like that. I know that today's reaction will lessen and I'll once again walk the aisles of Costco...and even buy a thing or two, but I hope I never again take for granted the magnitude of choice we have at our fingertips. I mean, who cares how many different kinds of blenders or microwaves there are??? We have so many choices that we waste half our life away trying to figure out which one will work best for us. If we had less choices we'd have more time to do the things that really matter.
I'm rambling now...and beginning to sound judgemental...not what I meant to do. So the best thing to do would be to slip into my comfortable bed with clean sheets and thank the Lord -He's been WAY too good to me.
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OK, so one of the things that Bill, the missionary said to the group who left today at their debriefing time was that you should wait a while before going home and speaking to churches...he suggested a month. I know that doesn't seem possible at our church and we all want to know immediately what happened when teams were away but you guys all seem to be strugging through culture shock--which is normal and GOOD to do--you definitely need to. And having to try to hold it all together and find the words to say to the church days afterwards is really hard. I don't think I'll be able to speak to the church my first week back. I think I'll get acclimated in Nyack first and do all my RA training and then come home for a weekend and talk about my trip. And I wish I was around to talk to you because I KNOW how you feel and truly, when I start to think about those things, those feeling never go away. And I don't think they should. I still have such a hard time being in America and seeing how we live. But I don't think that's a bad thing. I will be praying for you ALL right now but one thing that Holly Tanner, the wise, said to Syd and me when we first came back from Cambodia and wondered why we were even in America when there is such a great need in Cambodia and our hearts and minds definitely were still in Cambodia...Holly told us that God called us to the States, to Lancaster, PA for a reason. And the same God who send us overseas and wanted us there sent us back to the States and wants us there. He has a ministry for us HERE. And that's hard to remember. But it's so true. Tell that to the team. They need to hear it! Know that I love you all and I can't wait to sit down with you guys and hear about your trip. But TRULY, take your time before talking about it. Process things. Struggle with things. PRAY about things. Talk to each other about things. Another big thing that Bill told us the other day was that the people back home that know you inside and out, who you tell everything to and who completely understand you...won't be able to understand what you've gone through the past few weeks. And they can't. And it's going to be frustrating because they won't be able to relate and help you in the ways that you need. But know that God brought you to Gabon and He also brought you home. And He's the same God, with the same plan for your life. Keep seeking after it and KEEP SEEKING AFTER HIM ALONE. I'm sure that is something that you all learned and felt personally in Gabon. Love you all!!!
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