Inside out...

So, I just found this little bit from Francis Chan about the song that seems to have become the "theme song" of our team....I LOVE Francis Chan so I downloaded the 8 minute clip for your enjoying pleasure, too! He's spoken at the last few LIFE Conferences and has blessed me each time. Apparently the song that has spoken to each of us also made an impact on him. Actually, I guess for me, the song continues to speak to me...each time I hear it I think it's message sinks deeper in me. It's encouraging and convicting all at the same time. Mostly it just makes me want to be more and more real....let the real me stand up and take notice.

I've been thinking alot about our time in Africa...now that I'm 10 days back in the states I think I'm beginning to have a better perspective! Strange, though, how these 10 days have gone by so quickly. The 10 days in Africa were so rich and filled with new discoveries that it honestly felt more like a couple of months for all the relationships we formed and the experiences we had. That's really hard to explain to someone who waited stateside for 10 days for us to return. 10 days here are so different than 10 days overseas. It's hard to explain that you could love something or someone so much after only knowing them for 10 days...but I think each of us would attest to such deep feelings for the love of the Country of Gabon and its' people. It's a surreal experience in a surreal amount of time.

But, really...now we're home...our families have eased back into the routine of having us home, and we have no choice but to fit back in, too. So how do we fit? How do we squeeze the piece of the puzzle that is our life into the same space it used to fit in...our piece has changed shape..it's been pulled and stretched and no longer takes on the same form. So how does it fit?

It brings me back to the song that is probably still playing in the background. How do I, as a resident of Lancaster County, live my life in a way that the things of Africa that I've tucked away inside me begin to flow out of my everyday life here? How do I let those most private workings that the Lord has whispered inside me pour out into my everyday life? What does it really look like to live "inside out"?

I guess that's the challenge we all must face when we come home from a mission's trip with our worlds rocked off their foundations...the challenge is not just to listen to what the Spirit is showing us, but to put it into action and live it out. Sometimes the listening is the easy part...it's the acting out 24/7 that is the challenge. It doesn't come easy for any of us...I don't think it's supposed to, though...our struggle to do and be what God calls us to is our reminder that we need Him every second, minute, and hour of our day. Were it too easy, we'd have no need to invite Him along.

The older I get the more I realize I can't do this life-thing alone. I stand at a place right now where I must make some big decisions on some things that will affect the rest of my life, and my family's lives. I can't make them alone...and I wasn't meant to. I'm learning that in order to live "inside out" in the way Christ calls us to, I'd better be intentional about putting the right things "in". So, I'm reading...and listening...and asking...and waiting.

Let's resolve to live Inside Out...not just to say it each time the song comes on the radio, but to allow it's message to consume us and control our every move. The message is God's call to arms for each of His children...so that the world may know Him.

really? are you sure???

So, we're scheduled to give an update about our trip tomorrow morning in church....and we're all thinking NOW??!! We met together last night to discuss what we'd be presenting, and we agreed that it's so soon to be able to process and even verbalize all that is going through our hearts and minds. How do we share the details when we're still trying to absorb them ourselves?!

I think we came up with a good plan of sharing a few individual thoughts, and we're trusting that the Lord will touch our lips to speak what we feel so inadequate to communicate. I, personally, am struggling to put the right words to the thoughts I want to share...I can't seem to get them down on paper. Can't seem to have a coherent thought much of the time! I decided that part of the reason is that I went back to work too soon...didn't give my head a chance to process and download.

So, I locked the doors and left work early today...didn't even care that it's not the proper thing to do! I stopped at Costco to develop my pictures, and while waiting for them to be processed I walked around. I had the strangest urgency to get out of there...and I can't really figure out why. I tried to explain it to my kids, but all I can think of is that the last time I walked into a store, it was in Ebel-abunga.....and it was SMALL, and DIRTY, and had only NECESSITIES. It was nothing like the mega warehouse I was wandering around in, and it just didn't seem right....it didn't seem right that we should have SO much in such a big space, when they had SO little in such a tiny space. Two weeks ago walking around Costco was normal....I never thought twice about it. I know better than to think that means I need to pack my bags, denounce my citizenship and head East...but it does get me thinking of what I call "normal". Who said the American "normal" is right, and who decides what the norm will be anyway?

I don't know, maybe I'm over-reacting and should just get a grip....or maybe I'm processing more than I thought I was. We are a stuff-loving nation...and we have WAY too much to choose from. And, yet, we don't even know it. We're on visual overload and all we want is more. What I wouldn't do to grab an armload of that "stuff" and shove it into Mr. UPS mans arms and ship it to that little shop owner in the village...he wouldn't know what to do with himself! His customers wouldn't know what to do with it. And, actually, it would never sell because they buy only what they need....there's no extra money for anything else.

We could learn a thing or two from our village friends....they have so much need, and yet they don't even seem to know it. I want to live like that. I know that today's reaction will lessen and I'll once again walk the aisles of Costco...and even buy a thing or two, but I hope I never again take for granted the magnitude of choice we have at our fingertips. I mean, who cares how many different kinds of blenders or microwaves there are??? We have so many choices that we waste half our life away trying to figure out which one will work best for us. If we had less choices we'd have more time to do the things that really matter.

I'm rambling now...and beginning to sound judgemental...not what I meant to do. So the best thing to do would be to slip into my comfortable bed with clean sheets and thank the Lord -He's been WAY too good to me.

Home...

We're here...still torn w/mixed emotions, but our bodies are back in the US, safely back in our own homes. Nick and I had a great night's sleep in our own beds. It wasn't as hard as I expected it might be to sleep INSIDE and in a QUIET room ALONE! Clean sheets have never felt so good! And the shower....the water bill may possibly be a little high this month!

I'm sitting here this morning with so much laundry to start and life to return to....just not sure where to begin. I know from past missions trips that this is a struggle for me...to somehow transition from life a world away to an immediate thrust back into my own reality of life. It's hard. I've got worship music playing through the house in an attempt to keep my mind where it needs to be and not allow frustration and a sense of sadness spread. As one of the team members said yesterday to me, it is almost as if we're dealing with a death.

It's really a hard emotion to explain...that you can be right in your own life and what was once familiar seems foreign....and what is foreign somehow feels like home. We were prepped for such emotions, but they're still surprising each time you feel them.

I'm sitting with the phone beside me right now...dialing and redialing AirFrance in an attempt to recover my journal that was left on our flight yesterday. I spent hours and hours writing and reflecting while we were gone....it is my way of connecting to my environment and writing down the things the Lord is showing me. I can't tell you the weight I felt yesterday when I discovered it was missing-I know right where it sits. I figured it was just gone and there was no use even trying to find it...until this morning I was going to just let it go. But, I figure I'll make one effort to recover it....then let it go. There's something comforting about that little book...it holds words and feelings that I can't seem to say outloud right now. It makes no sense to me that it should be left behind...it seems to hold a key to my remembering the things He's doing in me. SO, until I'm told it's impossible to find, I'll keep calling!

I'm not sure how many of my teamates will think to look back on here, but if you're reading, I want each of you to know how impressed I am with you! You made it through some of the toughest circumstances of your life...and made it through well! I saw in many of you a new spark...the beginning of something that God is planting in your lives. I know each of the leaders were blessed and privileged to join you on this trip...and we look on in anticipation as we watch what God is doing in your lives.

Settle in...be free to enjoy home. THIS is where God has you today...find joy in being where He has you. Take your time...before long the new you will mesh with the old you and home will be home again...

on our way...

The internet was down at the Brokopps before we left last night, so I didn't get a chance to let you know we were on our way. We left there last night around 7pm to catch our 9:55 flight out of Libreville.

There were MANY, MANY tears shed as we left. The students really bonded w/several of the African Christian teens...there were 2 young men who travelled w/us throughout the week that joined us at the airport to say goodbye. They were just as tearful as our kids. There is nothing more moving than teenage boys shedding tears over new friendships....but they unashamedly said their goodbyes. And then AGAIN when they all showed up around the corner while we waited in line....and AGAIN when they stood outside a window as we waited in another line!!! By the end, we were all BEGGING them to leave so the tears would stop!!! But some of the students entered the plane w/heavy hearts anyway.

Our flight was 6 hrs long and a few caught some sleep during that time...I did NOT! We're waiting in Paris right now for our flight to Dulles in about an 1 1/2hrs. (I was surprised to find a little internet cafe, and am enjoying a GREAT cup of coffee as I type! yay! Comfort of home!!!)

Just a heads up for all the parents and family members...your students are really torn about heading home. While they are so excited to see you, there is so much processing that still has to be done in the next days and weeks. They are hesitant about reacclimating...and even about all the questions that you will inevitably have for them. Please be patient with us all...we are struggling...torn between two worlds. Know that in time we will be able to spit out all that we've been through...but it may take a few days. Just keep praying for us as we are thrust back into our old lives starting first thing tomorrow morning....we are exhausted, and will need time to adjust both to the time and to the lives we've left behind.

To Alex and Emma...I'm sitting looking out of the window in Paris!! Wish you were here with me! Looking forward to seeing you in a few hours...I can't even figure out how MANY hours that is, but sometime today! Love you guys!

My time is running out...love to all, thanks for your continued prayers and support!!!

...Emma...

I laid in bed last night and remembered that I didn't post the best picture for you....Jumpshot has a new home. You asked that I give it to one of the orphans, but that was not possible, since there were so many of them!!! But...one afternoon in the village the sweetest baby showed up. I don't know if it was her sisters who were carrying her around, or just village children taking care of each other....but she was BEAUTIFUL. I thought it appropriate that she should have your Jumpshot!

(Jumpshot has a new home in Africa...the village girls will enjoy him!)

Love you, Em...see you soon

how to put into words...

We're back from a PIZZA dinner!!! Gabonese pizza was totally what we all needed after our week of interesting African food! Everyone else is blowing up air mattresses for one more night (And, will be putting their DIRTY sheets back on them!)....and I'm wondering where on earth to begin to explain what we've been through the last 5 days. It would take way too long to download the amount of pictures I'd want to show you...and I'm in desperate need of sleep...inside...in a quiet room! So, I'll download a few and let your students show you theirs when they return home.

The drive to Ebel-abunga was one of the highlights of my week...it provided a good picture of the people and villages we were about to fall in love with. Admittedly, there were some nervous kids and leaders, just wondering what kinds of conditions lay ahead of us. I, personally, had a picture in my head of what the jungle village would look like....and it was really primitive, and a bit intimidating! Surprisingly, we found there were houses around us....most w/electricity, but none w/running water. The place we set up camp was overwhelming when we first arrived. The bathroom was a VERY primitive outhouse that has probably NEVER seen a cleaning product. EVER. We were provided a room to keep our bags and food, but everything else was outside.

(a neighboring house...the outhouse is the building immediately to the left of the house)

Our first sight of some of the kids who would hang out with us for days....they were so curious about us, but quickly received the students love and spent every possible minute with us.

(The house beside our camp that held an ALL NIGHT party...complete with African tribal music that started at midnight, and went on til 6am! It was a really surreal event to wake up to in the middle of the night! )

(unpacking and blowing up the mattresses again!)

(setting up our mosquito net village)

(After setting up camp we took a walk into the jungle to visit our bathing site. This woman was working on her laundry right where we bathed each day. The picture in our mind was a little more of a babbling brook...but at the end of a hot, sweaty day, this felt like nothing you can put in words!)

Every SINGLE night and morning we were tormented by the roosters that roamed around the village. They worked in cahoots, simaltaneously crowing all across the village! One was the "caller" and the rest of them...seriously, THE REST OF THEM IN THE VILLAGE would proceed to answer him...continuously. Last night one decided to roost on the roof next to us and crowed on and off all night! Needless to say, we have not had a good night sleep in days and days.

We spent two days clearing land and digging the foundation for a new Alliance church plant. Pastor Moses has left his life in Libreville and set out on his own, with the help of some of his church members, and will live in Ebel-abunga by himself as he reaches the people of the village. Some of the youth group from the Alliance church in Libreville came to help us work, as did many of the local people. They are extremely hard workers, and while we each stopped many times for water breaks,they just worked continually, barely resting at all. Men, women, and children worked alongside us...very few speaking the same language, but all of us working towards the same goal. The people were SO receptive of us. They are the kindest, most generous people. After setting up camp on the first night we set out to walk door to door and hand out tracts in the village.

The young men from the youth group who joined us were so impressive to me...the joy of the Lord exuded from them. They spent hours talking to the students in broken English and finding out what worship songs we all know. We taught each other songs, worked together, ate together, and sat around the campfire each evening. Our circle grew every day as more and more locals joined us. Watching our students bond with the teens and the young children was one of the highlights of my week. There is something we all have in common that does not require speaking the same language.

By far, though, the best part of my week was seeing how much the Christians in this village love the Lord. They pray over EVERY thing they do...and when they pray, they pray simultaneously. The first time I heard them pray like this it caught me off guard and I was surprised by the tears that came to my eyes. When we were invited to join them in praying aloud together it struck me how awesome it is that God hears each one of us, each time we pray, and in our own languages. He plays no favorites, but favors us all.

We spent some time around the fire one night doing a Q and A time with some of the Christians from the village. It was so interesting to me. Though we are worlds apart in many ways, we also struggle with some of the very same things. I think it cleared up some misconceptions on both ends. The pastor has so much to hurdle in order to reach this village, but as was proved on Sunday at the morning worship service, these people are looking for a Savior. After MUCH singing and dancing, Randy gave the message...spoke about the foundation of the building we are building, and worked it into how we need Christ to be the foundation of our lives. The message was interpreted into several languages and after an invitation 17 people came forward to receive Christ! It was an exciting morning! Afterwards we walked down to the church site where we were able to be a part of putting in the first bricks, the cornerstone of the foundation of the church. There is such ritual and tradition in these people. They explained the history of how the church came to this village and honored the people who played a part in each step. But, most importantly they gave the Lord glory for enabling them to serve Him and share His love to these people. Seeing this made every bit of the difficult days we spent in the village worthwhile.

The details of what we've been through this week will continue to pour out of each of us for days and weeks ahead. We've spent alot of time talking through our experiences and trying to prepare the students for the emotions they will be feeling in the coming days. It is SO hard to put words to the things God is doing in our individual hearts. But, He is working, and He is speaking a message into each one of us. He continues to show me, personally, that He wants me to love people more. He wants me to see people...all people, the way He does. And He is using this trip, as He's used other ones, to refine me....to refine each of us into vessels He can use at home. The process is not over...we've much to work through and understand.

Tomorrow morning we head to the local market, and to the beach...and then head to the airport to begin our journey home. Pray for us as we say goodbye to the interns we've come to love and to Tim and Meredith who have blessed us so much this week.

...we're here!!!

I only have a quick minute...the shower and clean clothes in my bag are calling me. We just walked in the door after our 3 hr ride back to "civilization" and are off to shower and clean up before a long session of debriefing. I don't have time to download pics or even begin to tell you the things we've experienced, but I knew you'd want to know we are back and all safe. No real illnesses, no real issues of any kind.....just alot of great experiences that we are still processing through. Thank you for the 39 posts that awaited us!!! We were crowding around to see who's parents logged on!!!

Back later to give more details!

quick prayer requests...

we're packing up the vans, getting ready to leave for the bush. Could you remember us this morning? Bethany and I are both feeling a little queasy this morning....the thought of a 3 hr ride in the van does not sit well with an upset stomach. Please pray for us if you are up at this early hour! We've got water ready for the trip and hope to close our eyes and when we reopen them, be out in the bush!

Pray, too, for our attitudes...a few nights with little sleep, little water, little personal space could prove to make us all a little testy. Pray that we remember the reason we are here and choose to serve the Lord...even when it's hard.

Thank you for your prayer support and care!!!

home for the night...

A quick update...

We've just finished a debriefing time w/Tim and the interns. The kids had alot of thoughts about their day...a few emotions as they're processing through the magnitude of all of the things they are seeing each day. Our lives are so different....and mostly in a convicting way. We've seen poverty and desperation in the faces and lives of the joyfilled people we've met in the last few days....poverty, desperation and joy. Something that is not lost on the kids or the leaders. More than one student mentioned how blessed they've felt as we've driven through and met some of the locals. (**A certain female student mentioned that she will never again complain about going to Walmart and seeing how dirty and disorganized things can be. Up to you to figure out if it was YOUR student....if I recall, she PROMISED to never complain again...you have it in writing!

Here's some pictures of our time at Hope House...

(the twins)

(the kids had the best time w/our cameras! The one on the right spent most of the time w/the camera pointing the wrong way, taking pics of himself instead of the person he thought he was shooting! He was so pleased with himself!)

Nick with the most adorable little girl! He was enamored by her!

(Halle gave the sweetest testimony about how the Lord has stood beside her while she lost a series of important people in her life. Tim translated in French for the kids....of all the kids with us, Halle was the most qualified to share her heart to kids that can understand what she has been through. They saw the testimony of a young lady who has chosen joy over sorrow in some really difficult situations. Sue...you'd have been so proud of her!)

(The Hope House next door neighbor)

(The boys are apparently gluttons for punishment, as they insist on playing soccer with these boys!!! I believe the score is 2-0...two games, zero wins! But, they did have fun!!! Nate B. mentioned tonight how cool it was to watch the local kids outside the Orphange looking in on the game and wishing they could be a part....they probably do not look upon these kids with envy on most days, but today they did.)

(Nick and Nate AFTER the soccer game that was played on red dirt! Mixed with sweat it makes a sort of clay on the legs!)

(Emma...this young girl made me think of you. She is 13 and lives at the Hope House because her parents have abandoned her. She had the most beautiful eyes, and though she was very shy, she lit up when asked what she enoyed doing. Reading. My heart went out to her...every little girl needs a mom to love her and show her how to become a young woman. I prayed while I sat next to her that someone would be that for her. I miss you Em, but am so thankful for you and all the joy that you bring to our family!)

The students were really moved by these kids and showed some emotion tonight when they talked about their thoughts for the day. The Lord is pricking their hearts in so many areas....they are being stretched and pulled in ways they did not expect. (It's 11pm here, but while I type, Nick, Jared, and Drew have come into the room to find some quiet to write in their journals....LOVE these boys!)

I'm sure the kids will want to check in here in the morning to see all of your comments, but this will likely be the last post until Monday. I think we are all actually excited about our trip to the JUNGLE. Our anxiousness has mostly been replaced with a sense of adventure- now that we've had details explained to us we feel a little more prepared. We're leaving here at 10am to head out to the village which is about 2 1/2 hrs away. The roads here are not anything like Rte 30...more like a 100yr old back lane on an Amish farmer's property! Some are paved, some are not...all have bigger potholes than Pendot would know what to do with!! I'm sure my mom is reading into that, and yes, mom, they all know I have permanent claim to one of the front seats!

Did I tell you before that the drivers over here are CrAzY?!?! Seriously, like nothing I've ever seen!!! I've had the privilege of sitting in the middle seat behind the driver of both our taxibus and Tim. They are EQUALLY as CrAzY!!! Surprisingly safe...but CrAzY!!! You would not imagine that so many cars could fit on the road at the same time. Let me clarify that...ALL of the cards are vying for their own space in the MIDDLE of the intersections...fully believing they have the right of way!!! All at the same time! The ride alone promises to be somewhat of an adventure for us!!! The next being the unpacking and hanging of 25 mosquito nets! Where??? Not sure, but they will be somehow rigged up in the trees above us so we can enjoy the beauty of the night sky and the sounds of the critters....for four nights!

Each of us is allowed to pack a small bag with 2 pairs of clothes (yes, for 4 days and we WILL be working and sweating in them, too!), a bathing suit (for bathing in the stream---it is clean!) pj's, and our bedding. (Tim gave us a little hint that we should put our sheets on in the jungle, and then be prepared to turn them inside out when we get back so we can use them again!!!!!!!!!!!! I KNOW you're laughing! Not funny!) We are definitely in for an adventure that is not likely to be repeated in any of our lives in the near future! I, for one, am excited to be a part...although I'm quite aware that SOME of the guys have a little plan up their sleeves to play the ole' rubber snake trick on the girls. (shh...I already told the girls the stupid rubber thing exists, so they are aware it's going to appear at some point! As I always say at home, the key is to NOT react...foils the plan every time!)

So....I'm now in the room alone...you have no idea how long it takes to upload these pictures! I'm doing 2 at a time....each set taking about 5 minutes! I'll take a second to say goodnight to my favorite 18 yr old who is keeping the house so clean and neat in my absence. I'm so impressed that he has washed and vaccumed my car as well as gone through the house and cleaned every single room to prepare for our arrival back home. Alex....what on earth did I do to deserve you?! Thanks, bud...I owe you! I love you!!!

(Jumpstart hanging out on the water filter)

the first part of our day...

We've all had fun reading your responses this morning!

A few disclaimers I must point out:

Melissa Herr....Holly would like you to add her to your list while you pray for Leah...I believe her exact response was, "WHAT?!?! Out of HER comfort zone?!??!?"

Maria...Leah is taking her meds, and wants you to tell Buddy she misses him, too.....the Brokkops dog, Titus is playing second fiddle.

Sue...Halle and Jared are faithfully journalling to you AND taking their meds!

Vivien...Harry's good....waiting for his mom to log on and see that he's still alive and well!

Rob...I was just conversing with Holly about a recent question you posed to her. I believe the question was, "Would you consider going to the mission field w/me?" I want you to know a few hours ago she told me that if she HAD to, she would LOVE to do what Meredith is doing this week....being an AWESOME hostess to everyone who enters her home. Just thought you should know now might be a good time to make your plans. Just saying.

Mom...I bought you something REAL special at the market this morning! I was advised you should not actually USE it, for hygiene purposes, BUT...I was thinking of you!

Dawn...Nate's in good hands and all the extra paraphenalia that you packed him is working!!!

Now, for the morning at the market. I, for one, REALLY enjoyed it, it was a true taste of the African culture. Tim explained before we left that it is like the African Walmart! It truly

was! You could pick up anything from your WARM raw meat, a new shirt, a pair of shoes, fabric, fresh fruit and nuts, tp, or any number of items! The amount of people roaming the streets was a little discomforting to some of the students...I didn't realize until we got back that some of the kids actually felt anxious about the amount of people that stopped and stared at us as we were the ONLY white people in the vicinity! We truly do make a scene everywhere we go, but the people are so welcoming and friendly to us.

Some blogging thoughts were going through my head as we walked through the market...one of them being that, Parents, remember all the years you've put into teaching your kids manners and respect for those around them...putting others first???? Not one of them was allowed to follow that advice this morning...if they had, they would have been left stranded apart from the group! Chivalry is totally dead at the market, as are manners, and selflessness!!!! Pushing, shoving, and stepping in front of people is the name of the game. Fend for yourself, or be sorry!

We just finished the BEST American lunch (pizza!) made by Meredith...

(and, YES, they are ALL eating their veggies)

and are getting ready to leave for the Hope House for the afternoon. We're looking forward to playing and loving on the 20 orphans that live there. I'll try to get back here again tonight when we get back, as it will be the last time for a while. Suprise, there's no electric and WiFi in the jungle! After talking w/some of the interns who went to the village last week, we are feeling more at ease to know that there is a make-shift toilet, and a creek of CLEAN running water just about a minute's walk away. We will be sleeping under the stars (and a mosquito net), but if it rains, there are houses nearby that we will be paired up in. We will attend church in this village and are prepared for a sermon MUCH longer than Pastor Carl offers us each Sunday!

Thanks for your continued care. Hope all is well on that side of the ocean...everyone is healthy and good on this side.

GOOD MORNING!!!

Bonjour...
Because some of you are checking back here several times a day, just wanted to say good morning. We're getting ready to head out to the local market...then back for lunch before we head to the orphanage. We're unable to take cameras to either place, so I'll try to get some of the students pics when we get back so you can see your lovely children's faces.

Linda...Harry has been leaning over the computer every day waiting in anticipation of your saying hello!!!

All of the kids have been crowding around the computer each time I sit here in hopes of hearing from home. They are LOVING all your comments! Thanks for making their mornings!

Love to each of you from way over here...we miss you, but are thoroughly enjoying each experience. The girls have begun to voice a little apprehension over spending 4 nights in the village....sans tents and bathrooms. All will be well and we will possibly be better for having had the experience!

Last night we sat around and talked over how the experience in the village was affecting us. The students opened up their hearts and you should know they are changing...they are seeing the hand of God working. But, they're also seeing how blessed each one of them are. We have so much...and seem to always want more. These children have so little...and seem to want for nothing.

Thanks for your continued prayers and support....love to each of you on the other side of this screen! Back later to tell you about our day!!!